the journey after college

I finished college in July 2022. Here's a glimpse into my journey thereafter, chronicled through journal entries.

 

August 5, 2022

It’s been weeks, maybe two months already, since I last slept in my bed at my parents’ house. Now, the keys just sit in a coffee mug alongside pens and pencils, waiting to be taken out and used. I've completed my degree, and while I'm relieved that it's finally done, a part of me is scared of what comes next. The aftermath and the post-college decisions suddenly seem so significant. I never worried about this before. I found myself awake since 3 am, technically since 3 pm yesterday, unable to sleep due to vivid dreams, likely caused by hormones and the effects of drinking.

 

November 24, 2022

These past few months since completing my degree have been nothing short of chaotic, in ways I never imagined possible. As I reflect on this period, I can't help but marvel at how I managed to keep moving forward. It wasn't graceful, but I pressed on. During my final internship, I rediscovered my passion and forged unexpected friendships. I even had the opportunity to travel, defying my expectations of being tied to a desk and computer.

I pushed myself to the limit, balancing multiple responsibilities and working tirelessly during the internship to make ends meet. It wasn't glamorous; in fact, it was one of the toughest phases of the year. Yet, I am grateful for the experience — it was one of those moments that shapes you into a stronger, more resilient individual. Juggling two eight-hour jobs, I was logging nearly 20-hour days, leaving me with just four hours of sleep each night.

Then came two months of seemingly aimless existence—waking up to stare at the ceiling, searching for job opportunities with no success, and escaping into TV shows and movies. It was a period of uncertainty and introspection, marked by the tentative start of a post-graduation venture whose purpose eluded me.

Those two months defined the year, but I made it to December. I persevered through anxiety, depression, failure, and loss. I endured a sexual assault while living alone, confronted financial struggles, and grappled with my beliefs. Despite the doubt and tears that accompanied this journey, I pushed through.

And now, I emerge as a more graceful woman—more secure, with increased self-love, self-assurance, self-control, and self-support. While my future career path remains uncertain, I am unwaveringly clear about the person I aspire to become professionally, and that clarity will guide me forward indefinitely.

 

July 24, 2023, to myself

I made myself a promise

I am going to make it every day

A promise to persevere

Amid loneliness and uncertainty

A promise to fight

Amid indecision and misunderstanding

Whether from day to day or single moments

Whether it is a whole week

or just one day

Whether it is an entire phase

Or just a second

 

January 2024

I've made a promise to myself—a commitment I renew each day. It is a pledge to persevere amidst loneliness and uncertainty, to stand strong in the face of indecision and misunderstanding. Whether it is navigating through entire weeks or fleeting moments, whether it is enduring through an entire phase of life or just a passing second, I vow to keep fighting.