rain falling outside

rain falling outside

my feelings dropped on the ground

someone yelling at me

my heart was broken inside

my eyes watering up

I tell myself “Don’t cry”

I don’t want to be seen as weak

I prefer to cry just by myself

but the pain gets bigger

it’s like something is closing my throat

I can’t speak

I can’t even make sounds

I want to ask for help

but my body shuts down

I need to tell someone

I am not feeling alright

but my mind is telling my body

“it’s better this way

don’t talk, don’t cry

just live, like you’re dead inside

maybe this way the voices will stop

your heart will restart

you will cry and 

write something so you can put it into words

all the pain you felt before”

but my mind can’t understand the way my heart is feeling

my mind can’t understand how much 

I need to speak up and tell me what I need to say

so my mind is basically killing me slowly

and doesn’t even realize

someday, maybe the rain will stop

the sun will shine

and I’ll be able to finally reset myself

and not let the anxiety make the call

maybe that day I will be free 

and just speak when I feel the need to

I believe this day will come

I see the rainbow showing

maybe this is arriving

I just need to fight for myself

I just need to fight to stay alive until the sun gets here