with you

 I can't force but fall in love with you.

I can't force but look at you and feel love.

I can't force but think about you.

I can't force but imagine a future about us.


Let's just say I have never lost hope.

Let's just say, even though I tried, I have never stopped loving you.

Let's just say that I have been imagining the day when you finally understand it ever since.

Let's just say maybe someday you come back to me.


I have been waiting for so long and I am tired. But the thing is I still expect you to come back to me and give me those hugs and held me and tell me everything will be fine. I am just expecting you to come to me and kiss me just like the old times when we were both in love and we didn't know. And I am expecting, here alone, dreaming alone, believing alone and feeling alone.


Sometimes I just hate myself because I keep loving you because I can't bury these feelings.

Sometimes I just hate myself because I keep feeling alone because I can't help but care for you.

Sometimes I just hate myself because I keep breaking my own heart because I can't be strong enough to say that it is enough.

Sometimes I just hate myself because I keep hurting myself because it has been so long and I don't know who am I without these feelings anymore.


So what am I without these feelings? A normal person? I don't want to be normal! I just have a few questions, maybe they will change sometimes. Or at least I still hope they do.


Can you imagine us taking care of each other or is that not an option for you? Can you imagine us living our lives together or can't you picture that?


Because I have been dreaming about those days, the ones I hope to come, the ones I want to come, the days when I look at you and you are looking back at me, staring at each other eyes, knowing we are better together than apart, knowing we made a good choice. And every day I come home and I regret not hugging you, every day I come home hoping to get a text, every day I come home feeling like a stupid little girl. But that stupid little girl is still inside of me, it's part of me, and that stupid little girl was the one to fall in love with you and I can not get rid of her. And every time I look into your eyes, I freeze because the only thing I want to do is run to you, but I can't. Because even though I still like you, I don't want to put you away any more than you already are.


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