every time i wish it was us

Every time I wish it was us but you are not even here. You left me long ago, alone in this crazy world, with my crazy ideas of wanting to know it and loving it more than loving myself. I could not even imagine my life when you went away, I could not sleep or wake up without thinking about you. It was like I could not live without you.

You know, every single time we talked about life, I used to love the way you talked about life and how much you were in love with it and how much you wanted to live and enjoy life. I can see where that took you. I used to be like that, for a while, I just wanted to die but I learned with you without knowing. And I just started loving life like you used to, like you were living through me.

Now I live like nobody is going to stop me because the only person that could do that was you and you are no longer by my side. And every day, I tell myself that it happened for some random reason that one day I will know about. But I think I already know why though, I needed something to carry on. I needed something though let me go live without carrying someone else. And I am not saying that you died so I could live, but both of us knew, at least I knew and know that I couldn't live longer, so you died that day and I live today. I can carry now, not some baggage from the past from the devil and the danger of a live time, but our love from a childhood.

I don't miss you anymore because like you used to, now I just live life like it is going to end tomorrow but I just am a little more careful than you were.