"I'm scared of loving you but I'm even more scared of walking away!"
It's incredible how much a phrase can mean and what it can significantly do with us. It's just a phrase for some and it's a pretty big deal for others. I mean the truth that some of us can see in a text or poem or just a simple phrase is so much bigger than what others see. Just because of feelings.
Whatever they are from the past or present.
Whenever they existed or exist.
Wherever they were or are.
I was scared of loving him but when I realized I had to let go, I let the biggest problem start, even if I didn't realize, it actually began then. I was scared of the feeling of the whole in me because I didn't have him. I was scared of how I would feel without him, without him by my side, without my hands on his. I was scared of how my life would go, how I could be without him completely. Because I didn't want to let him go just a little bit. I thought: «If we do this, I want distance for sure for some time. I want to know myself and have some time without him. Because if we are going to decide this and do this, I will be devastated and I'll need time.»
But, it's not about the fear of not having him or the fear of letting him go, it's about the fear of a new adventure that is starting. It's the fear of being alone, of a new future, a different future from what we had dreamed about.
I think the worst part is feeling alone in the relationship part of life, some people give up on love or stop believing in it. For some time I did that, I stopped believing I would someday find someone else, be with another person, feel it again, the love, the passion, the butterflies in my stomach. But I started believing again for the same reason I stopped because if I had it, it means that I can have it again. Because if it restarts, it doesn't stay in the past, well it stays, but it happens again if it is necessary.
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I think about him, sometimes I feel it again, it makes me happy and also makes me wanting it again, wanting him, wanting to go back in time and perhaps make it different, but I can't, I wouldn't do it if I could because life goes on and the past is in the past.
But, it's not about the fear of not having him or the fear of letting him go, it's about the fear of a new adventure that is starting. It's the fear of being alone, of a new future, a different future from what we had dreamed about.
I think the worst part is feeling alone in the relationship part of life, some people give up on love or stop believing in it. For some time I did that, I stopped believing I would someday find someone else, be with another person, feel it again, the love, the passion, the butterflies in my stomach. But I started believing again for the same reason I stopped because if I had it, it means that I can have it again. Because if it restarts, it doesn't stay in the past, well it stays, but it happens again if it is necessary.
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I think about him, sometimes I feel it again, it makes me happy and also makes me wanting it again, wanting him, wanting to go back in time and perhaps make it different, but I can't, I wouldn't do it if I could because life goes on and the past is in the past.
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